This is a place where I may provide answers. You may e-mail me with your questions, or if you've asked as a result of a workshop, I will respond here.
Please remember, as happy as I am to respond, that I am but one voice responding with my own personal understanding. Ultimately, you must invest in seeking answers, perhaps from many sources, finding that which resonates with your heart and your own beliefs so profoundly that you are able to embrace that truth and live it fully and joyfully. Whether it is something from my Bibliography, a spiritual text, or your own inner wisdom that guides you ~~ become a seeker of Truth, and embrace that which comforts you.
The process of our transition is part of our life experience. If you're still here ~ you're still learning. This may be a time to learn how to let others be a blessing; how to receive love and care. It may be a time for the healing of relationships. Equally important, it may be an opportunity for others to learn. In essence, you become a teacher. They may need time to learn how to let go of control, how to care for themselves, how to say they're sorry. They may have a deep need to provide care, to feel like they have done everything possible, or that they have had the opportunity to show how much they love you by that care. What a wonderful gift to be an instrument of their personal growth.
Sometimes just knowing that the process serves a purpose can transform our perspective from viewing our transition as "strenuous effort" or a "struggle" into seeing the experience as an opportunity for awakened wisdom and understanding.
We can't always see the reason. In fact, oftentimes, it all makes absolutely no sense, and may even seem cruel or punishing. I do not believe God is either cruel or punishing.
Either God is love and forgiveness and grace and wonder all the time ~ or never. So, what becomes most important is for us to reach an inner understanding of God. If God is the very essence of love; if our lives have meaning and purpose ~~ then we must carry that understanding on through to application. saying, "Though I may not fully understand, I affirm that this, too, serves a greater good."
First, if you've attended my workshop, you know I am on a campaign against the use of the word "closure." It is a fad, and it is a fallacy. I don't believe closure is ever possible with someone you love. You may, however, find healing. You may find peace. If you love someone, that love does not stop if they are in another room, if they are in another country, or if they have made their transition from this particular lifetime of earthly experiences. Love continues through all things.
For our children (and they are all our children) who are killed in war, there is that additional pain that comes with knowing the circumstances of their transition. We remember kissing their toes. We remember the joy of their first words. And then our mind juxtaposes that with the violence that has been inflicted upon them, and the grief seems too powerful for the human heart to bear.
We must remember, however, that our children's spirit is as old and wise and intent on learning from life's experiences as ours. They, and their spirit, are granted the same free will as our own. As difficult as it is, we must work to become able to honor the choices their spirit has made. And that includes the choices they made about their transition from this life. We all come into this world as willing participants in this experience of life in a human body. I believe that no one, even our children, leave this life until they have finished what they came here to do. We, as parents of children who have made their transition, are called upon, not to close ourselves off from the experience, but rather, to clearly define what we believe, then spend our lives learning how to put that belief into practical application.
The "unknownness" of those missing-in-action combines the fear of that same violence, without the certitude, leaving us in a constant emotional war between hope and despair. The most difficult step is one of release, knowing that whatever the circumstances, our child is spiritually whole and strong and eternal. Just because they have gone from our sight does not mean we cease to love them or cease to enfold them in prayers for protection. There is a peace to be found in knowing that wherever they are, God is.
James Dillet Freeman, Poet Laureate of Unity Churches, wrote the following prayer for soldiers in World War II, and a copy was carried to, and left on, the moon.. Today, it is universally used by millions as an affirmation of Truth which brings great comfort:
The Prayer for Protection
The light of God surrounds me
The love of God enfolds me
The power of God protects me
The presence of God watches over me
Wherever I am, God is.
Now, substitute the word "you" for "me," and know this to be a Truth for your child, wherever they may be.
Copyright 2008 Karen L. Lowe